Revive me

We have all heard the story when Jesus talks with the Samaritan woman in John chapter 4. In a nut shell this woman was searching for something in her life to fully satisfy her. Like stated in the text the woman had had five husbands and the man she was living with was not her husband, clearly things had not been going right with her in her life. I cant relate on the five failed marriages but I know how ashamed I feel from just from having one failed marriage. I can imagine her brokenness, shame and humility she felt and standing before her is the Son of God. What a place to be. She was ashamed broken and standing before Jesus and he loved her, and wanted her to know that she mattered to him in spite of her choices.
With changes in my life that have taken place over the past few months I cant tell you how many times I have felt ashamed and broken and completely humiliated and have believed the lies the enemy has told me. But from reading this it has confirmed the truth that no matter what where I am at in my life I am loved and desired by my creator, my God.
I recently went to listen to my dad speak at his church and God confirmed again that he loves me in spite of my failures. My dad shared a quote that night that said "God loves me so much that he accepts me where I am at, but he loves me to much to leave me where I am at." My dad also shared a bit on humility you see I have had such a hard time accepting where God has me. And through listening to my dad speak God told me I need to be ok with where im at and embrace some humility. I am so grateful for the words my dad shared that night they truly spoke to my heart.
Back to the story of the Samaritan woman... At the end of the story with the Samaritan woman it says that after she met Jesus she was transformed, she was no longer ashamed and went to the city to tell all the people about him.

In spite of my mess God loves me and wants to meet my every need he wants to restore me, heal me, and make my life beautiful.

Next big move?

As I have been reflecting I have found that I am constantly asking myself is this where I am  to  be in my life, whats my next move, where does God want me to be, where do I fit into his Kingdom, whats my role in the church.... This morning as I sat down to spend time with God I was praying and asking him to guide my reading, and direct me to a passage that I need to hear. As I opened my husbands bible I came across the word life in the index. I looked at the passages it recommended to read and looked up the first one which was Numbers 9:23, " At the Lords command they encamped, and at the Lords command they set out. They obeyed the Lords order, in accordance with his command through Moses."
  As I read the study guide below relating to the verse it challenged me to shift my focus, not to be so anxious in my next move and everything else that I previously explained. It challenged me to shift to, God, what do you want me to do while I'm here?  The text went on to explain that direction from God is not just for your next big move. He has a purpose in placing me where I'm at right now.
  So my prayer is now, God what do you want me to do while I'm here?

kindergarten?

As time has went by for some reason I never thought nor prepared myself for the year Madison would start kindergarten. In my little mind of fairy tails it never dawned on me that she would grow up. I mean sure she has grew and shes a "big" girl, but kindergarten has really threw me off. It has caught me off guard. I just had it in my head that Maddy would stay home with me and this would be our life, she would be little, and always be my little girl who stayed 4 forever. Then reality hit with this bomb called kindergarten! And let me just say I have been having a really hard time digesting it. See my fear is that as soon as kindergarten starts time will go by faster, faster than it already does. I am not ready for this to begin, cant I just have more time with her home. 4 years has gone by so fast! I have held off on writing about this because I didn't want to cry, but here I am cant sleep, up way to early and crying over kindergarten! Now I know why I haven't been so adamant about Jacob potty training, in my mind if he is not potty trained he wont grow. Ya right! (And just for the record, I really am trying to potty train him.)

Back to kindergarten, Madison and I were talking the other night about how she is starting kindergarten this year and we both start crying. Between her sobs she tells me she doesn't want to grow up and that I should stop feeding her so she will stop growing. Then there I am the big brave mom who should reassure her that its going to be ok and tell her how she is going to love kindergarten but no, I'm right there with her crying like a baby!

Oh kindergarten! So here's to a new chapter in parent hood that I'm sure will be filled with more joy and amazing moments!   

New to the blog world!

I have been debating for sometime now on whether or not I should join the blogging world. I have many reasons in my bag of excuses why I should not and could not. In the end of my debating and trying to talk myself out of it I realized that since im trying so hard not to do it, its obvious I should. So here I am. I have come to the conclusion that I am at a place in my life where I need a space to unload, unpack, and clear my mind. The public journal of my  life and mind, which let me just warn you can be crazy, dark, joyful, hilarious, and everything else….    I have realized I have so much that goes through my head that I need to sort it out, write it out,  get it out, and in some cases…. Ok most cases figure out what im doing, put closure, and move on so I can grow, heal, and live.  My blog space is  to be a place where I can confess my struggles, and get real with everything: My walk with the Lord, myself as a person, who I am as a person,  me as a wife, me as a mother, and whatever else might come up.  So heres to bolgging! Cheers!